What’s best for women is best for babies and what’s best for women and babies is minimally invasive births that are physically, emotionally, and socially supported. This is not the kind of experience that most women have. In the age of evidence based medicine, women need to know that standard American maternity care is not primarily driven by their health and well-being or by the health and well-being of their babies. Care is constrained and determined by liability and financial considerations, by a provider’s licensing regulations and malpractice insurer. The evidence often has nothing to do with it. Source
Happy Mother's Day!!
Friday, May 10, 2013 at 8:35PM Happy Mother's Day!! I've been a mother of two for one month and its been a journey.I'll give you a quick recap. I've been to the ER twice, I go days without combing my hair or brushing my teeth, and I truly realize I would rather be at work than be a stay at home mother.
Unlike her big sister, CC is a crier and demands to be carried around constantly. She has facilitated my need to adhere to the tenets of attachment parenting . . . you know baby wearing, co-sleeping, nursing on demand, no "cry it out" for her. It indeed is draining especially with Lil D wanting just as much attention. Initially I was planning to keep Lil D home with me during my maternity leave, but experience has taught me that this was not a good idea. Depending on the week I've been sending her to her Abuela to get "me time". She needs just as much attention as CC and at grandma's she is able to get it.
D is not a big fan of Mother's Day, or any holiday for that matter, he calls it another consumer's holiday and he always says he wished he owned a store to sell to everyone scrambling to get gifts.
Rixa, blogger of one of my favorite blogs, Stand and Deliver shares her sentiment about Mother's Day:
I'm just not feeling the love. If we really valued mothers--speaking both individually and culturally--we wouldn't have one day of lip service, followed by a year of neglect. Give us a year's paid maternity and paternity leave. Give us Mother-Friendly care in all hospitals and birth centers. Give us a culture that really, truly values mothers and children and finds ways to keep them together even when the mother needs to earn a living, like flextime, on-site childcare, or babies-at-work programs. Give us a month of daily home visits from postpartum helpers who can cook, clean, do laundry, and help with the other kids so we can snuggle and nurse our newborns. Give us generous social and emotional support for the tremendous work of mothering. But please don't give us flowers and a sappy tribute to 1950's gender roles and think that will suffice until the next Mother's Day. To read more click here.
What you think about Rixa's thoughts? This will be my third Mother's Day and I don't really get hyped about it particularly because my birthday is always within 5 days of the holiday. D surprised me and took us out to McLoone's Boathouse in West Orange for an amazing brunch. The menu was extensive. There were assorted fruit, juices, bread and cheeses, a raw bar, omelet and waffle station, crab cake station (all crabmeat no filler), carving station, and 10 different hot entrees to name a few. ;-) I even took two sips of a mimosa. It will probably be the last taste of alcohol I'll have for a long while.





S/N: We gave CC her first bottle of expressed milk yesterday. I purchased the new Medela Calma bottles and this is what she drank from. "Calma is the only scientific based feeding device that helps to support the similar sucking behaviour of the baby at the breast." Indeed this is true, we had no issues with her feeding. We tried the pacifier but she didn't take it, she gagged instead of sucked it. Oh well we'll try again.

Birth Story: Tamika + Baby Mav
Monday, May 6, 2013 at 11:42AM When did you know it was time to go to the hospital?
I went to my weekly check up with my husband and daughter at 1:30 on March 10th, my doctor advised that I appeared to be 4 centimeters but my cervix was still further back so he just told me to go home and we would play it by ear. After the appointment we all went to Panera for lunch then my husband dropped us off at the house and went back to work (this was about 3ish). I was in the living room with Elle, my 3 year old, and I started having contractions around 5 o’clock so I called my hubby to tell him to come home. In my mind, I kept waiting to feel the exact pain I felt when Elle was born. This was going to be my guide on when I knew it was time...or at least when my water broke. Well. . . 7 o’clock rolled around, I was sitting on my exercise ball and we decide it was time. My water hadn't broken but the contractions were progressing. When I arrived at the hospital which is 7 minutes from our home I was 6 centimeters dilated.

What did you enjoy most about your birth experience?
The most enjoyable part about my delivery was having family and friends in the room. It was truly like a big sleepover. Even though you're only supposed to have 4 visitors we managed to have 5 {my husband JoColby, daughter ElleMari, my in-laws, and friend Alex}. Now they all didn't stay when it was time to push, but it was fun laughing and taking pictures with them until I reached 10 centimeters.


Was there anything that didn't go as planned?
Well my delivery didn't go as planned. When I was pregnant with Elle it was perfection. I woke up from contractions, took a shower, water broke, pushed for 2 minutes, and labored for 3 hours in total. This time I was at 8 centimeters from 4am until 1:30pm on March 11th. The doctors advised that Maveric was stuck and he had to get him out so we unfortunately had to have a caesarian.

{I highjacked this from Tamika's instagram page}
Will you be breastfeeding? How long? If not why did you decide to formula feed?
My breast feeding plan is for a month, unfortunately I have to receive infusions for my Rheumatoid Arthritis so I will need to stop breast feeding. This decision was hard but I have to do what's best for both me and the baby.

In general, did you feel in control during your labor and delivery? Was there a time when you feel this doesn't feel right?
I felt like I was in control up until I had to have the caesarian. I was really looking forward to having a wonderful experience like I did with Elle.
If you could do it over and plan differently what would you change? Any regrets?
If I could do it all over I would pray for Mav to COME OUT haha, caesarians are the worst!
Any advice for new mothers?
My advice for new mothers would be to accept any help from family members, be grateful because you will need it and also don't over do it with the pictures! We got suckered into big this photo package for Elle we were so excited she was a month old and we still have pictures that we haven't given away and she's 3!!! There is no need to break the bank on expensive packages just stay in the middle and if you need additional go from there.



Tamika thanks so much for sharing your birth journey! Congrats as well!
Tamika, a fellow momtreneur, is the creator of Pink Culture Momtourage, Inc., a non-profit group for mothers, and the online children's boutique Colby's Closet.
"Pink Culture Momtourage is not a group, but rather a movement that was birthed to Empower, Encourage, Inspire and Uplift all mothers. We are a village of women who possess different cultures, and backgrounds but also share ONE common goal and that is to strengthen our communities by molding and building prosperous and productive children."
"Because of the constant battle I’ve faced with finding affordable, stylish and comfortable clothes and after years of what ifs, I decided to step out on faith and form Colby's Closet which is inspired by my daughter, ElleMari Colby. We feel that children have the right to dress stylish and comfortable without breaking the bank. Oftentimes children either rarely wear an item or outgrow an item before they have a chance to pop the tags which is why Colby's Closet not only offers NEW items, but we also sell gently used pieces that will fit all budgets and allow your mini maverick to consistently be a trendsetter. Because as you know: 'Everyday is a fashion show and the world is your runway'." Visit Colby's Closet here
Interesting Read on "The Epidural Trip"
Thursday, April 25, 2013 at 5:15PM The Epidural Trip:
Why are so many women taking dangerous drugs during labor?
by Judy Slome Cohain
Abstract: Two million American women will take an epidural trip this year during childbirth. In most cases, they’ll be ill-informed as to possible side effects or alternate methods of pain relief. In many ways, epidurals are the drug trip of the current generation. Similar to street drug pushers, most anesthesiologists in the delivery rooms maintain a low profile, avoid making eye contact and threaten to walk out if they don’t get total cooperation. Women get epidurals for one of the main reasons so many women smoked pot in the 1970s—their friends are doing it. This article examines why so many women in the Western world are compelled to take powerful drugs during their labor and exposes the risks epidurals pose to both mother and baby.
Read Article here.
© 2010 Midwifery Today, Inc. All rights reserved.
[Editor’s note: This article first appeared in Midwifery Today Issue 95, Autumn 2010.]

Guest Post: Home Automation & Free-Range Parenting: Independence 4 Kids, Assurance 4 Mom & Dad
Thursday, April 25, 2013 at 4:20PM What is free-range parenting?
Free-range parenting - the philosophy of allowing your children to explore and experience the world on their own terms - has been the subject of widespread debate for more than five years.
Free-range parenting, also called simplicity parenting and slow parenting, first entered the public eye when Lenore Skenazy published an article in the New York Sun titled, "Why I Let My 9-Year-Old Ride the Subway Alone" on April 1, 2008. The article, which describes her polarizing decision to allow her young son to ride the New York City subway by himself, prompted a range of reactions from the public. Many were horrified, and some even went as far as calling it child abuse. Others, however, endorsed Skenazy's decision to give her child the freedom to discover the world on his own accord.
How can free-range parents benefit from home automation?
There is no magic formula or secret recipe to successful parenting. Every child is different, and it's up to you to figure out how to best raise your son or daughter.
For some parents - particularly single parents - it's oftentimes difficult to balance work responsibilities with the active supervision of their children. Others simply choose to raise their young ones more passively. Regardless, granting your kids more freedom is not an excuse for neglect, and requires just as much responsibility as any other parenting style.
Fortunately, technology has made it easier for parents who want to back off a little bit, but are hesitant to sacrifice the comfort of knowing their kids are safe and sound. Cutting-edge home security systems, in particular, have been a powerful tool for free-range parents.
Many high-profile residential security companies (check out here for more info) have begun offering affordable home automation packages to customers. Although the idea has been around since The Jetsons became popular in the early 1960s, home automation technology is only now becoming widely available.
A "smart home" system allows you to manage almost every aspect of your home using a web-enabled mobile device - from virtually anywhere. That means that, using your iPhone, you can check in on your son or daughter at home from the office. You can also view live surveillance video, arm/disarm your security system, lock/unlock doors and even receive customizable text and video alerts.
With these capabilities, giving your children more freedom doesn't have to mean giving up the peace of mind that they are safe.
By Karen Clark
Blog Editor

CC's First Doctor's Appointment
Wednesday, April 17, 2013 at 12:42PM Today, Day 6 of life, CC had her first official doctor's appointment. We decided not to give the Vitamin K, Hep B, and eye ointment at birth, so I was curious to see what Doctor Charlie would say to all this. Also, I told him we decided to wait until 2 months to begin vaccines. He was agreeable to this and offered me his suggested schedule of shots. I have to look up the brands he suggested, but they seem to work for me. This whole vaccine schedule has had me vexed for months now.


CC's Birth Story - Part Two-- Long
Sunday, April 14, 2013 at 9:24PM Several weeks before my due date, I had the opportunity to watch Ricki Lake's The Business of Being Born in its entirety. Before I only got to watch it piecemeal on YouTube. After watching there were several topics/people I wanted to know more about: (a) Ina May Gaskins, (b) Maternity morality rates by state, (c) "choices in Childbirth", and (d) what are the basic needs of a woman in labor? As I mentioned in a previous post my coworker purchased Ina May's book for me and I read it in 3 days. Let me tell you it was the single most helpful resource I've had at my disposal to prepare for labor. I'll do a book review one of these days.
So let's get to the point of this post, BC2's, a.k.a. CC, birth story. To summarize my experience in birthing in a birthing center within a hospital versus a traditional hospital setting I have one world -- E M P O W E R I N G. If you can't tell I've been kind of obsessed with labour and delivery since the birth of Lil D and I have been in search of a practitioner and birthing place that would allow me to be me as I birth my babies. Well I've found it. Let me paint a picture for you. I laboured without continuous monitoring, without being restricted to the bed or room, I was allowed hydrotherapy (read: hot shower), I was allowed to move and twist as I wanted to during each rush of a contraction, and my midwife (and student midwife) were there the entire time to monitor me. My final position of choice was on all fours with my butt facing everyone -- I know TMI, but you get that I was free to do me.
As far as the sequence of events for CC's birth there are a few holes because D, who was my recorder with Lil D, was Papi Doula. He did a fantastic job by the way!! So here is how things went down according to my memory:
- 710p contractions began for 1 hour -- 5-7 minutes apart
- 910p checked into hospital via the ER -- I didn't want to wait for transport so I walked myself to the Labor and Delivery floor. Once I reached the floor a nurse intercepted me and said because I was walking I couldn't be ready to give birth. Ummmph . . . As she saw this wasn't the case.
- 10p no contractions . . . no pain. This was my time to rest and build my strength. I began to chant my affirmations in my head and zoned out to Ledisi, Jill Scott, and Kindred the Family Soul.

- 1155p With no progress and 4 cm dilated Rachel, my midwife, asked me what I wanted to do - go home or have my water broken. I chose to have her break my water manually. I was not going home. Of course this was painless, but I wanted to get the show back on the road.
- 1211a Long painful contractions began. Every 3-4 minutes for 60-90 seconds each. Went into shower to labour
- 1250a Went back to the bed to lie down. Didn't feel comfortable so I got on all fours. Throughout each surge (I needed a word besides contraction, this seemed fitting) D was there with counter pressure, a wonderful rice sock (Shoutout to my neighbor Tasha for two cups of rice. . . thx!), words of encouragement, and a strong grip. Mind you he came home from work at 8 pm, he hadn't eaten since 11 am that morning and he was ON.
- 130a Threw up the three slices of pizza I ate before leaving for the hospital.
"Vomiting is a common sign of the transition phase, whether or not a woman has been eating throughout early labor. Some coaches find this hard to handle. Think of it as a way of “making more room” for the baby. In fact if something was rhythmically squeezing your insides, you would probably throw up too! And let’s be honest, with a new baby around, you are bound to see a lot more throw up! Since vomiting, like holding your breath or making a bowel movement, is a vagal response, it inadvertently helps your cervix dilate and hence, is a great sign to a labor & delivery nurse! The body does awesome things to help the process along!"
- 145 to 220a Began to have uncontrollable shakes and trembles before each contraction. I thought I was going through a seizure. Rachel mentioned when D questioned her that everything was fine and my body was doing what instinctively it needed to do to get the baby out. At this point I was thinking to myself, "Onida what the fuck is wrong with you, having a baby is fucking nuts". Sorry for the language, but its what I was thinking. Some how between this time and CC arriving I took off the hospital gown. Don't ask me how because I don't remember doing it, but in pictures D took right after I pushed out CC I was booty butt naked. LOL . . . I warned the nurse assigned to me and the midwives that this would probably happen. Needless to say I won't be sharing any of those pictures.
- 225a Rachel did a vaginal exam during a contraction, the monitor was also placed on me to check the baby's heart rate (not strapped to me, the nurse held it in place). I was 8cm at this point, Rachel said I should be able to push through at this point.
- 230a Finally felt the urge to push. I began to say, "Daneli is coming out now!" "Come on Daneli!" I was chanting this loudly to get through each surge.
- 238a CC began to crown. Then her head emerged. I though I was done and asked if she was out. D said no just her head. I thought, "Damn I can't win." I took a break (like 1 minute) and then felt the urge to bare down and push again this time out came her shoulders. I took another break and then came her entire body. {Note: During this whole pushing process the midwives didn't touch the baby. They just coached me to push. When I was pushing out LilD the doctor pulled her out with each push. HENCE MY SECOND DEGREE TEAR!}.
- 241a On my hands and knees I pushed my little munchkin completely out!
- 7 minutes The cord stopped pulsing after 7 minutes and D was able to cut it.
All in all I had an amazing birthing experience. I was able to let my body do as it wished without the interferance of man or machine. As I write this I am 4 days postpartum and besides being exhausted I feel great!

Waiting for Tio Chino to pick Lil D up.

We have to remind her to be gentle, "suave ", as she constantly wants to touch and kiss CC.
So now we are a family of four. Woo . . . I'm a Mommy of two.

klj
Home we go . . .

Lil D's Last Day as an Only Child- Part One Birth Story BC2
Wednesday, April 10, 2013 at 8:00PM Today was Lil D's official last day as an only child. We {her and I} began our day with breakfast at IHOP. She was a big girl and got her own meal (the silver dollar pancake meal). From the restaurant we ventured to my 40 week appointment with our midwife. At the appointment Rachel, our midwife, checked me and stated I was 50% effaced and 4 centimeters dilated. She asked me if I wanted her to strip my membranes, big change from before when I was violated without permission. I allowed her to do this and went on my way. I got home and began to feel super crampy and just off. I posted Lil D in front of the television and sat down to relax. After being home for about an hour we heard the doorbell ring. Guess who made a surprise visit?! My Daddy. He took the Megabus up from Baltimore to spend a few hours with us. Yes I know this may sound rather strange, but not for William. Got to love him! So we hung out for about 3 hours then he headed back into NYC to catch a 7:30 p.m. bus back to Baltimore.
Once we walked him to the bus stop at the end of our street I called our neighbor and confirmed our playdate, I forgot to mention before Daddy rung the bell we had a 2:30 playdate. Lil D and I hung out next door until like 7:00 p.m. This is when I went from coping with the uncomfortable feelings my body was experiencing to being in full blown contraction mode. D arrived home at a little after 8 to find me deep breathing and gathering everything to prepare for my admittance to the hospital. I had been having contractions for the past hour and they were 5-7 minutes apart. I'll continue my birth journey in a part two post. Stay Tuned . . .

Lil D's last day as an only child.
Her Outfit: Jordache Jeans + Flower (Walmart) | Denim shoes (Gap Outlet) | Tunic (Target)


birth story,
last day as only child in
Baby Cruz C-Section Battle Wound-- Very Graphic
Tuesday, April 9, 2013 at 7:35PM In my daily search for interesting articles about labour and delivery I arrived upon a very thought-provoking and emotionally charged photograph. Check it out below. It's very graphic so be prepared.
When I feel up to it I plan to share my latest read with you on Ina May's Guide to Childbirth. Every woman who is considering having children needs to read this book. The best source for information on labour and delivery I've read to date. The book was a wonderful gift from my co-teacher, Nicole. Thanks Nicole, I can't wait to return to work to share all the wonderful things I learned from the book that I applied during the birth of BC2.

Deeper than words . . .
Source here

38 Weeks 6 Days
Wednesday, April 3, 2013 at 6:25PM
1cm dilated,
dilation of cervix in
Informative Maternity Pics
Monday, March 25, 2013 at 3:05PM Two years ago at my 38 week "routine" doctor's visit I was pressured into beginning the process of inducing my labor. Oh what two years, a vast increase in knowledge, and a new practitioner makes.
Let me recap. When I was pregnant with Lil D, at 38 weeks I was given an unnecessary ultrasound and told my baby's head was measuring small and my amniotic fluid was low. {S/N: Lil D was not in distress and up until that point I was having a "normal" pregnancy}. So I went from normal to high risk in an instant. I was experiencing the full blown techno-cratic birth model most OBs follow. Yesterday I went had my 38 week appointment for BC2. Let's just say it was totally different - no stripping membranes, no indepth ultrasound, no half-truths, and coercion. My midwife asked me if I was experiencing anything out of the ordinary, she measured my fundal height, felt to see if baby was in correct position, and ask me the most vital question of them all, "Are you ready to have an amazing labor?"

If you are in Northern New Jersey and need a makeup artist please check out Vanessa of Makeup by Nessa. She was on hand to do my makeup for the baby shower and my maternity shoot.
I'm calling this my bootleg maternity shoot, because of the drama leading up to the actual taking of pictures. First the photog I hired to take pictures in my home cancelled 30 minutes before our appointment, with a bullshit excuse. Second, Lil D refused to be cooperative and take pictures like a nice little girl. Third, I hate portrait studio pictures taken by people who are not truly photographers. Oh well, it is what it is. Once my blood pressure elevated, I did a couple "woo sahs", and accepted that BC2's maternity shoot would not be as nice as Lil D's I was about to get over the disappointment (a little bit).

I'm looking at these pictures thinking how ridiculous I look with the tulle wrapped around my waist. :-\



Life's Unequal Beginnings
Sunday, March 10, 2013 at 4:47PM 


Time Management 101
Saturday, March 9, 2013 at 4:16PM In less then 5 weeks I will be the Mommy of a two-year old and a newborn. All I keep thinking about is the lack of sleep I will be getting until my children begin school. I remember always commenting on women I would see with "stair-step" kids, you know two toddlers and an infant, and here I am following in their foot steps {a little}. I say a little because I met a woman in Target last night that is 6 months pregnant and has a 9 month old at home {sheesh}.
The idea of having children so close in age doesn't seem beneficial while you are living through the tantrums, potty training, nursing, and everything else, but I found a short list of benefits that I listed below.
- Friendship/Companionship: If you look at siblings who are 1-2 years apart in age, you notice that many share the same friends, the same interests, and often look out for one another in social settings.
- Costs:With two children in the same age range, consider that they can share toys, lessening your costs. They can also share clothing, in most cases. You may be at a true advantage, especially, if your children are of the same gender.
- You only have to go through it once!!
- Career: If you decide to be a stay at home mom, you are able to get back in the work force sooner, if you decide to have children back to back.
- Future Families/Cycle: Oddly enough, especially with multiples, children in the same age bracket often plan their lives around one another due to their closeness and friendship. They may get married around the same time, and in a lot of cases plan on having children around the same times so that there will be a continued bond with their children. Source
Time Management 101
Back in December I had the pleasure of attending a workshop sponsored by my girl, Natasha of the Flair Factor. The Sunday social was about how to effectively manage time, especially as mothers. The discussion began with the idea of 168 hours in a week, a concept written about by Laura Vanderkam.
This was broken into the following:
- 50 hours in an average work week
- 56 hours of sleep
- 62 hours remain (5 hours of which need to be spent strategizing + planning) {According to the CDC at least 2.5 hours per week to exercise -- 30 minutes a day}

The portion of the workshop I enjoyed the most was the idea of creating and maintaining a "time log". A time log is basically an agenda that sections your day into hours, most smart phones have this capability. I am still old school and keep a planner book. I find myself forgetting to input data into my cell phone agenda, but always writing it done in my planner. Old habits are hard to break. I do plan my days by the hour because it gives me a sense of balance in my very hectic life. Sometimes I wish I worked and lived in the same state because some of the chaos would be controlled. It's a bitch working late in NYC and having to come Jersey to run errands and such. I like to make my week days as jammed packed with activities as possible because on the weekend I hate to be like every other drone and in the mall, supermarket, or post office. My weekends are for sleep, peace, and relaxation.
Back to the workshop . . . The take-home messages of the workshop were:
- Think about it as 168 hours and not a 24 hour day
- Be on the offense, not defense
- Use your mornings
- Ignore, Minimize, + Outsource
- Bits of time, for bits of joy
- Time logs + Agendas + Planners are vital to planning a successful 168 hours
- If it's not made a priority it won't happen
Printable Weekly Planners here and here.

Pregnancy Gender Myths
Thursday, March 7, 2013 at 2:23PM Last month I broke down and decided I had to know the sex of BC2. My midwife suggested I try a relatively new test called the Panorama Prenatal Test. For the test you simply needed to have your blood drawn and a host of results would be expected. I will share all I learned in a later post. In this post I wanted to share this super cool infographic from Cryo Bank. Check it out!












































































